I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
