May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why can't burritos get me drunk
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
