but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
