I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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