hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
