I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was CRYING into my vagina
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am naked and annoyed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
