If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
