omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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