That's when you crack a 10am beer
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
