I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
