he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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