i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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