He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
