you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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