I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He had one of those small greek statue penises
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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