We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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