Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
