I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
