A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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