My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
