I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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