Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
