I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
