Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
