Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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