haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
