What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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