I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
