Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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