So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
