TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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