if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
