1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
