you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
