so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
