girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
