How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
