I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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