I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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