next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
