1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
