Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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