Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
