Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
