I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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