Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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