i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
