week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
