it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
