Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
