I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
zippers are such a cool invention
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
