Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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