My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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